Crazy Organ Lady Goes to Lapland

Sunday was not a good day.

My deranged piano teacher HG, who for those of you without the limitless pleasure of having made her acquaintance is a Canadian-Irish hypochondriac rodent-woman whose interests include sacred organ music, apple juice, endless talk about nothing, and endless talk about herself (but we love her for it... ahem), took me out piano shopping (yes, I say it as off-handedly as that) to Pianos Plus. Unfortunately Pianos Plus is situated in the dead-centre of the middle of fucking nowhere, and to reach it one has to navigate around the notorious 'Mad Cow Roundabout', as HG so comically called it, which manages to keep up the road quality and bumpiness of an off-road rally track while still retaining the disorientating charm of a labyrinth. Not too fun. And I was tired. And HG was exceptionally animated and self-obsessed. A recipe for disaster.

She just wouldn't shut up about her beloved Pipeworks organ festival, with whose organisation she is vaguely involved and in which she probably wasn't even asked to take part, but still horned in on on account of her unfaltering self-importance. And for the love of jesus I do not care, have never cared, and will never, ever care about anything that concerns your friend Dk.

HG, while at the wheel:"Oh gosh, I have a cut on my arm! Oh, it goes right the way round! I don't even remember how I got that! That's so annoying, eh? It's actually really sore".

Me, unable to contain my utter disinterest:"Oh, that's awful. You should put a bandage on that."

HG:"No, it's completely fine. I know, it's awful! The funny thing is I don't even remember how I got it you know? That's the worst... It's still quite painful though, I just know it's going to be bothering me all day!"

Me:"Well it doesn't really look too serious, it almost looks like it's healed already."

HG:"No but it's really very sore. Oh gosh, but it's just so FUNNY..."

Oh yeah? Is that funny? Do you know what else would be really FUNNY? If I shoved your pathetic child's carton of apple juice down your throat!! UGGHHHHH!!!!

And do you know what else was really funny? When HG finally listened to my directions after about an hour of driving around in circles, when we finally arrived at the godforsaken place, it turned out that it was closed for Sunday. Oh joy.

"Oh noooooo... that's just awful, eh? Oh, I'm terrible I really should have checked, I knew that it was open on a Saturday and I just presumed it would be on a Sunday too... This is just so annoying eh? I really thought it would be open, I really did, I should have rang to check though... Gosh, it's just so FUNNY though.."

Don't tempt me woman.