French Oral Angst

I have to stop worrying about how my French oral went... it's driving me insane. What's horribly ironic is that before the oral I was Monsieur Cool, unphased by all manner of complicated questions on social problems and economic crises, and now that's it's over and I can't do anything about it or even find out how I did I'm a nervous, eyebrow-twitching wreck, forever starting at the thought of imagined grammatical blunders and staring regretfully into the distance thinking about all the sexpot phrases I could've thrown in as filler but didn't.

And it's a pretty inconvenient time for all this worrying, as my music practical, which is significantly more important than the oral (50 fucking percent of Leaving to be exact), is tomorrow morning. So I need to relax, and I need to relax NOW. I'm considering having a drink or two before bed, that's how twisted my logic is while I'm in this fretful state.

Que Sera Sera......... Fuck you Leaving Cert, fuck you in your fuck ugly face.

everybody hates me

I've noticed something about these blogs: I only ever write them when I have nothing to do, and I spend most of the blog whining in a pathetic way about how crap stuff is or how good stuff is going to be or what I do when I'm at a loose end. I've realised this is because when I'm actually out there ENJOYING life I couldn't care less about blogging. So with that introduction I'm sure you know what's coming...

Noone wants to do anything ever! They're all big losers and I'm not a big loser because I want to do stuff but nobody wants to do stuff but I want to do stuff and when I ask them to do stuff they say no and then I get angry and then theyre losers! I know what you're thinking, gentle reader: 'what a sad-sap... clearly you just have no friends. People are out doing stuff, I can assure you... just not with you'. And to some degree that's probably true. But unfortunately that's no consolation when you're sitting at the computer on a Friday night just having finished your mocks flicking between the 'Balla' and 'Próifíl' pages on your Facebook as Gaeilge and listening to Lady Gaga.

I must have some kind of inability to shake the feeling that I could always be doing something more fun than I'm doing right now. Some day I'll just join some sort of cringy group therapy session and meet other people with the same paranoia and restlessness, and they can be my friends... But you what sitting at home on a Friday night REALLY makes you think about: that the Leaving Cert. sucks, because you never get to see people or go out anywhere (even though you do, loads, but it's never as much of a bender as it might ideally be). It just does you know? I just wish I could skip the next few months and glide into a summer of blissful drunkenness and that be the end of it.

Somebody up there likes me

I actually found the ocarina. I had almost given up hope, when suddenly there it was at the bottom of a wicker basket full of childhood drawings and wasted crayola markers, dusty and battered but earthier than ever. It has a small crack near the bit you blow into which I don't remember it ever having before. But it looks as though it must've got broken somehow, and that then someone took the time to glue it back together; I like to think this gives a satisfyingly used, 'there's a story behind this old thing you know' air to the thing. Even if I don't know what that story is exactly... but that only adds to its mystery.

Damn its piercing though... it was awful, because I found it at ten last night and was yelled at from the playing of very first note. Hasn't stopped me practicing every chance I get though. If I get good enough before my interest wanes I may even upload a video of myself giving it my all on the ocarina (I do love to spoil (both of) my readers from time to time). Any requests will be taken into account...

A Link to the Past

What should I be doing?

Studying for my Mocks which begin next week.

What am I doing?

Trawling the internet for a cheap ocarina.

I don't know: I just came home from school on Friday utterly shattered and thought, you know, I deserve some relaxation here people. So I figured what better way to unwind than with some soothing music, and who better than myself to play it? I honestly couldn't tell you where I pulled the idea from, but it struck me to look for our old ocarina, the one my parents bought me at some market stall on an family holiday to Menorca. As I recall this was an excrutiatingly dull holiday on an island which I'm pretty sure couldn't have existed before tourism, and as far as I recall I ended up spending most of my time out on the balcony of our apartment complex accommodation learning to play the ocarina. Handily enough it came with a pamphlet explaining how to play the ocarina for beginners, and by the end of the 2 weeks I could play such popular hits as Happy Birthday and The Sound Of Silence with its help.

I found the leaflet of course... but the ocarina itself seems to have been thrown away or lost in time (and I can say that definitively enough because I spent a worrying amount of time looking for it). My new tack is, being from the generation I am, to look for one online. But it hasn't proven to be a very fruitful search... See all the ones online are really artificial looking, nothing like the earthy, authentic clay one I had when I was ten. The whole thing's a bit stupid really, because all I want is my old one and nothing else and I'm hardly going to come across that, even on e-bay... and the sound of the ocarina, to be honest, is not a soothing one at all. It's piercing. Still, I don't seem to be able to rest until I've found one... so if anyone can point me in the direction of one, or you know if anyone has an unwanted ocarina lying around the house, you know what to give me for my next birthday.